There is no salvation for me, yet as I further my Orders under the Anglican faith I find doubt with in myself. Nothing more do I find more troubling then the filth, that questioning of my Lord, His Son, and The most Holy Ghost. Though I am not alone in my struggle, and in this pursuit I will not-I cannot- fail. For I am on a pedestal of faith and I find it strangely difficult to regret my conversion for the sake of my house's prosperity. Is there need to? Strange thoughts and hypocritical self-accusations float and dwell with in my mind. I feel the need of a purging. A violent overthrow of these emotions.
A rebirth of self of life, which only my Lord God can give me, he tri-being of light and fire. The covenant to Noah is no different then my need. To save my forsaken self I need a violence of the Almighty, and guidance and freedom. To push and pull from Him in order to further my faith, though if I stray to far let Him enslave and break me! For only with Him can I be mended again, I am a slave that is continually freed and loved by him; I require his imprisonment in order sustain and contain my sinful self. I am continually violated by him so that I may bow in humility to his Word and Awesomeness.
As I put to paper these hard yet yielding thoughts of contradiction and paradox I must remain in line with my orders and set an example for my audience and congregation to aim for.
John, I like your direction in this musing. The product (be that prose, sonnet, what have you). The violence you are so desperate for certainly can come in a multitude of forms, as you express, but be careful with the polarization of your radical thinking, friend. Remember your responsibility to your family, faith, and parish, never forget the Father and Christ's Love and the Holy Spirit's good Grace. God Bless
ReplyDeleteSincerely,
-George