There is no salvation for me, yet as I further my Orders under the Anglican faith I find doubt with in myself. Nothing more do I find more troubling then the filth, that questioning of my Lord, His Son, and The most Holy Ghost. Though I am not alone in my struggle, and in this pursuit I will not-I cannot- fail. For I am on a pedestal of faith and I find it strangely difficult to regret my conversion for the sake of my house's prosperity. Is there need to? Strange thoughts and hypocritical self-accusations float and dwell with in my mind. I feel the need of a purging. A violent overthrow of these emotions.
A rebirth of self of life, which only my Lord God can give me, he tri-being of light and fire. The covenant to Noah is no different then my need. To save my forsaken self I need a violence of the Almighty, and guidance and freedom. To push and pull from Him in order to further my faith, though if I stray to far let Him enslave and break me! For only with Him can I be mended again, I am a slave that is continually freed and loved by him; I require his imprisonment in order sustain and contain my sinful self. I am continually violated by him so that I may bow in humility to his Word and Awesomeness.
As I put to paper these hard yet yielding thoughts of contradiction and paradox I must remain in line with my orders and set an example for my audience and congregation to aim for.
